Extending Grace to David

Hi guys,

The Lord really worked out a particular situation so well for us this past week that we felt it was worth sharing with you.  It takes a little setting up but it's worth it for you guys to get it - but I do apologize in advance for the length!

Things have been really good in the relationship department for us as a team with the Akolet people in general - David (one of the guys on our island) especially has warmed up to us considerably in the last few months.  So anyway...

Last week David came up and asked Ryan to borrow some fuel for some of David's visitors (Peter Marme's sisters for those of you who know who that is).  Ryan explained that we'd love to help out but we have so many people who have borrowed fuel and haven't paid it back that it's a big financial burden on us and we just can't do it.  (We had firmly decided this as a team previously.)  So then the same day David sneaks over to Adam and asks the same thing.  Adam gave him the same answer, even without knowing that Ryan had already dealt with the situation.  He was very courteous but firm with David.

So David pretty much starts telling Adam that they help us out SO much and we're all one family and we're not allowed to ever tell David no for any request he may give us.  He also said that part of the reason he really needed this fuel is because these ladies were going to Kimbe to get David's son back who had gone to visit some relatives.  (Long story, but when we went to Hoskins in December, David asked if we would go to Kimbe and get his son back and the son could fly back in with us.  It was a major inconvenience on our part but we agreed to do it and while we tried, we could never get the relative to come bring the son to us so our attempts were unsuccessful.  We apologized to David and he seemed fine with the fact that we'd tried.)  So David adds on top of his complaints that we failed him in getting his son back and so we really owed it to him to give him this fuel.  He went on to say that he wasn't going to look out after us any more or stand up for us or anything like that.

Adam was baffled since there hadn't seemed to be any tension in the relationship previously that we could tell.  But he said to David calmly but firmly, "2 things: firstly, yes you help us out a lot but don't forget the ways that we help you out also!  and secondly, we have got to be able to tell you no.  if we never told you no, think of the people who would come to you to ask us for something.  boundaries in any relationship are a must." So David backed off a little and left, but we were all thinking "Where did THAT come from?"

So we all talked about it as a team, and we decided a few days later that Adam should go talk to David one on one and just tell him that the way David acted hurt Adam's feelings because here we thought we were all friends and the things David said sort of made it seem like he was just trying to manipulate us and get stuff out of us.  So Adam did just that and tried to ask David if something had instigated those comments that David made or what in the world was going on.  David was very quiet and finally said, "There's a reason I said all those things.  I'll come to your house later this afternoon and we'll talk about it."

(drama drama drama)

So he came up later and said that when he'd asked Ryan for the fuel and gotten told no, he went and told the ladies he couldn't get the fuel.  So they laid into him like you wouldn't believe basically saying, "Here you are all living on one island and you can't even get the whiteskins to give you any fuel!  Shame on you!"  So he was horribly ashamed in front of his relatives and thought he'd go try again with Adam this time, but of course he was feeling very angry about the confrontation and it came out all directed at Adam.  Then he said "You may notice I haven't been around much this past week.  I knew as soon as I said those things that I was way out of line and so I sort of kept my distance from you guys because I was so ashamed.  I had decided that I would come see you and give you some money and some shells (the traditional way of finishing a disagreement) and wasjust about to do that when you came and found me in the garden and talked to me about all of this.  I'm really glad you did."

So how awesome is that?  We as a team (through Adam) were able to model a Biblical concept of reconciliation.  In Akolet culture the one wronged will go badmouth the person who wronged them and stay mad until the offender comes to them and basically buys their way back into good graces.  Instead, Adam went and found David first and didn't show anger but rather extended grace to him.  David may not see it now, but we pray that it made an impact in his heart and made him see that we missionaries are made of different stuff and what we'll have to say one day is worth listening to.

Please praise God with us for this small way we were able to model Him to the Akolet people.  Thanks for your prayers for us as a team, especially in this tricky area of maintaining good relationships with the many Akolet people around us.  It can be difficult when their MO in any relationship is to lie, cheat, manipulate, sneak and steal, but we know that one day it will all be worth it.

"We lift our eyes to Heaven; We wrap our lives around Your Life."
Adam & Julie Martin
Akolet Tribe
Papua New Guinea